Good morning-Goedemorgen
Good afternoon-Goede middag
Good evening-Goede avond
Goodbye-Vaarwel
It's nice meeting you-It' s aardige vergadering u
Have a nice day!-Heb een aardige dag!
How are you?-Hoe bent u?
I'm fine-I' m boete
What Men Needs To Know
In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question, "What kind of a man are you looking for?" She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking.
"Do you really want to know?" Reluctantly, he said, "Yes." She began to expound...
"As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills."
"I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"
The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.
She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more."
"I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.
She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster."
"I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded."
"I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself." When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You're asking a lot." She replied, "I'm worth a lot."
***
What Women Needs To Know
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules:
•Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
• Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that
•Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
•Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be
•Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
•Crying is blackmail.
•Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
•Subtle hints do not work!
•Strong hints do not work!
•Obvious hints do not work!
•JUST SAY IT!
•‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
•Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for
•A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
•Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days
•If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us
•If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
•You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done
•Not both
•If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself
•ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
•Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
•We have no idea what mauve is.
•If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
•If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle
•If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear
•When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really
•Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
•Sex,
•Sport, or
•Cars
•You have enough clothes
•You have too many shoes
•I am in shape. Round is a shape.
•Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Share this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Share this to as many women as you can - to give them an education
I found this story at http://yomz23.yourblog.in/......
Dear Mother and Dad:
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read any further unless you are sitting down… Okay?
Well, then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival, are pretty well healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only get three headaches a day.
Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm and he was the one who called the Fire Department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital, and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt-out dorm, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It’s really a basement room, but it is kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. We haven’t set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes, Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the same love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am now taking daily.
I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambtious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know you expressed tolerence will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good, too for I am told that his father is an important gunbearer in the village in Africa from which he comes.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or skull fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I do not have syphillis and there is no boyfriend in my life. However, I am getting a “D” in History and an “F” in Science, and I wanted you to see these marks in the proper perspective.
Your loving daughter,
Dorothy
| te Your Hidden Talent |
 You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words. You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel. People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation. When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers. |
| What mental disorder do you have? Your Result: Manic Depressive You have extreme cycles of highs and lows. Sometimes you feel like you don't know who you are. One week you could be very hyper and happy and the next week you are slow and depressed. | |
| ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) | |
| GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) | |
| OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) | |
| Paranoia | |
| What mental disorder do you have? | |
Check this puzzle out:
Dolphin & Ball Jigsaw Puzzle
"No matter how much you love someone, if you're not certain of your position; the only certain thing to do is too give up."
Lemme share a couple of jokes that honestly made me cry!You can get a free subscription at ArcaMax.com.
Stupid
One day theres a couple of kids in a psychology class. The teacher stands up and says to the class “stand up if u think you’re stupid!” after about 5 minutes Little Johnny stood up and the teacher says “do you think you’re stupid Johnny?”
To which Little Johnny replies “No miss i just hate to see you standing there all by yourself!!!”
A Bun in the Oven
A four year old little boy was at the doctor’s office with his mother in the waiting room when he spotted a pregnant lady on the other side of the room. Having nothing better to do, he walk over to her and inquisitively asks “Why is your stomach so big?”
She replied, “Im having a baby.” With big eyes, he replied, “Is the baby in your stomach?” She said, “He sure is.”
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look on his face, asked yet another question, “Is it a good baby?” She said, “Oh, yes. It’s a real good baby.” At this point the woman is thinking the little boy is incredibly cute and looks foward to what he has to say next…
And, much to her suprise, with an even more surprised and shocked look than before, he asks.. “Then why did you eat him?”
Revenge by Gunshot
A distraught young woman suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. In a fit of anger she drives to a local pawn shop and buys a gun.
She shows up at his apartment unexpectedly, slams opens the door, and sure enough he’s naked in the arms of a beautiful redhead.
This angers her. Furious, she can no longer control her emotions. She opens her purse and pulls out the .38 handgun she bought earlier. As she takes aim, grief overcomes here and she points the gun at her own head.
“No, honey, don’t do it!” yells the boyfriend.
“Shut up,” she says. “You’re next.”
A group of youth are chatting-you notice them smiling,nudging each other playfully but some thing's different-this conversation is taking place in complete silence!Nothing can be heard but the sound of the jeepneys passing by and bystander's chit-chat. How are they communicating?Take a closer look at their hands,making fast yet graceful movements accompanied with expressive faces conveying words.
Sign language is definitely an amazing,unique and beautiful means of communication, it is a language with punctuation and grammatical rules. Words have corresponding signs usually conceptual or derived from the meaning of the word combined with the emotion conveyed by the word. Take for example the word 'happy'-
Notice the importance of facial expressions-even without the hands, no one would mistake the sign for sad would they? Just a twitch of your facial muscles would complete the message-one sign could be understood in a number of ways depending on the look on your face. Learning to utilize this 'asset' is one if not the most challenging aspects of learning sign. Imagine frequently frowning,smiling,raising your eyebrows, changing the shape of your lips during a conversation to convey the right message. Embarrassing? Well think of it like this: Would you enjoy talking to a person who speaks in a monotone?Never changes the pace,pitch or intonation of their voice throughout the whole conversation?Definitely not!We naturally add feeling to our speech-increase our pace when exited, raise our voices when angry, change our pitch when asking questions. In sign, your hands are your words and your face is your voice.
Another important factor in sign is spatial referencing.This is especially important when relating stories or experiences.Simply put, spatial referencing is assigning locations(right,left and center) when signing.Traditionally, good elements, qualities or characters are assigned to the right whereas bad on the left.This way characters are easily identified and not interchanged.
Hand shape too plays a vital role in explaining or relating experiences.Your left hand in the shape of number one and your right hand as a number two would mean two people meeting one person.The index,thumb and middle finger(sign for number 3 if vertical) once placed horizontally would indicate a vehicle while the index and middle finger once bent vertically would indicate an animal.These are very helpful when relating stories with multiple characters.
There really are numerous tips-do's and don'ts when it comes to sign.Basically though-the way you speak is the way you sign.Don't believe me? Try learning-believe me you'll have no regrets and the next time you see the scene described earlier, muster up courage and walk straight up and introduce yourself!
